Biostatistics for FCA Exams: A Love-Hate Affair

 Ah, biostatistics, or simply put, medical statistics —the noble(snorts!!) discipline that turns chaotic clinical trials into digestible truths. For me, it has the opposite effect- indigestion to a level it could possibly turn my ass into a cannon ball shooter. It is both a lifeline and a lingering thorn in the side for most of us.

Why is it useful?

I would be tempted to say: it has no use whatsoever for me, I’m not a particular fan of statistics ever since my high school years. Yet, I would be lying. Ever wondered how your go-to anaesthetic cocktail for that particularly complex case is truly superior or if that’s just personal bias?

Behold! Biostatistics steps in like the Sherlock Holmes of clinical data, separating causation from coincidence. The great thing about it- It mocks you like Sherlock Holmes when you do not grasp what is supposedly an easy affair… Well, easy affair my ass.

Between evaluating p-values, confidence intervals, skewed distribution and the mystical “power of the study”. Without stats, you’d be flying blind—or worse, pretending that all studies are created equal.

For passing the exams, it is not just useful; it is mandatory! A solid grasp of biostatistics can mean the difference between confidently acing an SAQ and nervously inventing a “new” statistical test- When ANOVA could be some strange new world from Star Trek. Mr Spock would probably add here, in the ever so Vulcan tone: Insufficient facts always invite danger. I would probably tell him if I could at that point- You are going to be in danger if you do not keep quiet.

And well, there is Evidence-Based Medicine (EBM): Stats are the lingua franca of evidence- knowing them ensures you don’t look like a caveman waving around a stethoscope, akin to when an orthopaedic surgeon walks around with a stethoscope around his neck.

Why It Feels Useless? Well, I could write a book on it.

When was the last time you needed Stats mid-case when your patient is crashing? Exactly! The theatre or like we call it, OT or OR, is about gut feeling, experience, knowledge well herded in and stored by your neurons and “Where’s the adrenaline?? Resus incoming!!”—not chi-squared tests.

Trivia time: What’s more volatile than your fart in an open space? You are tempted to say- Anaesthetic gases. You will be surprised- Your memory of stats the moment exams end probably beats even the inhalational agents we so often use. Odds ratios and Bland-Altman plots are ditched faster than even the girlfriends of the stars that just turned 18 and stumbled on what they think is the greatest discovery of their entire lifetime- the human anatomy and its phenotypic variations.

“Not Clinically Significant” Moments: The joy of spending hours on a stats-heavy paper, only to read: “Findings were statistically significant but not clinically relevant.” It’s like thinking you can build a new wardrobe only to find out it will not fit in the closet (story of all human beings who are self-proclaimed jack of all trades, ahemm, I will add- and masters of none. I will also add, the human beings are mostly men- women are far too realistic and intelligent to think they can do everything in this world).

Ever tried reading about Type I vs Type II errors? It feels more like an anaesthetic induction than an intellectual exercise. Well… maybe that’s the real anaesthetic application?

Survival Advice:

Think of biostats as the epidural of medical knowledge- daunting at first because for the love of God, no one has a feel for it initially and everyone is watching you. You will be beaten up (to the point you will look like a train just crossed over you) by any of the anaesthesia registrars reading this if you ever dare to say- ‘It was easy. I don’t understand why people don’t do it more often’.

Mastering stats is like bag-masking a tricky Paediatric airway—it’s painful, especially if the kid thinks your scrotum is the soccer ball, but it pays off when you’re the one who gets it right.

In short, biostatistics is both your exam nemesis and clinical ally.

Think of it as the Tyrannosaurus Rex from Jurassic Park 1: You will practically pee your panties off with a urine stream that looks like it is originating from a Karcher pressure washer while it so casually chases you around the park and then surprise- it holds the velociraptors away while you run like your life depends on it. Well, in that moment, it actually does.

Just remember, taking on biostatistics for FCA exams is like challenging Usain Bolt to a race—deep down, you know you’re outmatched, but you still show up because quitting isn’t an option and will never be.